Friday, July 8
i guess this was meant to be one of those awful days from the start. got back int hist paper today. silence is golden. i guess i should starting being organised huh. well.
reasons why today was awful:
1. i think i'm losing interest in pc. oh gosh. now i really have nothing in my life but air and more air.
2. int history results.
3. saw my eyecandy cuddling with my senior at the classbench. they looked so sweet together. -sniff sniff- i don't care if they're just friends, they still look sweet and i miss hugging everyone. :(
4. found out that because i only got 6 distinctions, i won't be wearing the gown. i'm not too sure about the coming back part. and serene, if you think that's very funny, keep it to yourself. if you don't care that i'm upset, i don't care either. not that joan was very sympathetic, come to think of it. oh to hell with it. what's the point of doing relatively okay if in the end even those who did worse get the credit that you'll never get? people with seven a2s. my last hope for some sort of glory. i know i'll never get any sort of chance. i mean, hwachong? dream on. i actually studied for o's. not hard enough according to my mother, but i don't care about her. if you think it's hilarious that i don't get any recognition because the school counts by distinctions not a1s, then okay whatever, you don't have to laugh in my face right.
5. and then i felt bad about feeling that way. but still, to hell with everything. when bev called i actually said the f-word, telling her how annoyed i was with everything. have i ever said that out loud before? this shouldn't affect me that much huh. it's nothing. probably just a slip of paper. but i never win at anything. i've figured something out. all i ever have to do in life not to get something is to want it.
but in keeping with what mrs lee taught, i'll think of the good things as well.
1. somebody wasn't at the table when i met jan this morning. it's nice to be able to talk to her, just the two of us.
2. i didn't have to stay for the whole programme.
3. met up with joan.
4. met up with jp and prav.
5. watched a disc of friends, courtesy of liz. thank you, by the way.
6. there's fairly good music on the radio.
there the good outweigh the bad. in terms of numbers. but that's all that ever seems to matter these days right? i am such a twit. don't you hate me? i hate myself. why do i care about these little things? i really want to see everyone. i miss 4/6. i miss you understanding. i miss you holding me. but when i need someone, you're all gone. and i stare at the phone and try to remember what it's like to hear our laughter.
chris. i miss you. my room is so empty now. i have too much food to eat on my own. my bed's too big when i'm not fighting with someone for space. and where's the fun in making a pot of jasmine tea if you're gonna have to drink it alone? i knew i would miss you, but i never knew missing you would be this hard.
it must've been love.
8:30 pm
xoxo
